


No Harbor

by nymja



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/M, Mandalorian War era, dark side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:16:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1811563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nymja/pseuds/nymja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they come together, it’s in desperation. Every single time. War does that to people, or so they had been warned by Vrook. War makes you desperate. War makes you crave something strong enough to tie an anchor to.</p><p>Maybe he’s her anchor. Or maybe she’s just taking him with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Harbor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starforged](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starforged/gifts).



When they come together, it’s in desperation. Every single time. War does that to people, or so they had been warned by Vrook. War makes you desperate. War makes you crave something strong enough to tie an anchor to.

Maybe he’s her anchor. Or maybe she’s just taking him with her. Revan is reasonably certain it’s not the first one, because with every single campaign, every new casualty, and every time a new funeral pyre is constructed she sees him drowning. He’s a desperate, drowning man, and she can’t give him what he needs. Revan can’t give him stability. She can’t give him herself in the way that he wants, the real way that he wants. The way that ends with vows and commitment and the promise  _of never being alone._

Because it used to always be the two of them. And now it’s just her and her shadow. And she watches him grip for the surface that isn’t there. There’s no going back, and there’s no harbor.

But despite his failings, and oh how many he’s learning while they fight the Mandalorians, she needs him here. She needs Alek at her side, because she needs him to be that bridge between extraordinary and mundane. Soldiers will revere a god, but it is a commander’s orders they follow. And Revan can’t be ordinary anymore. She can’t sit with the soldiers at camp, she can’t charge recklessly into the field. Because Revan  _is_ the Force, and to be the Force means to be alone.

But Alek can.  
Maybe that’s why he’s drowning.

Maybe that’s why Revan needs to be his salvation. But in order to be Alek’s salvation, Revan needs to make Alek stay. And she can see his resolve weaken every day that goes by in their encampment. Sees his hands start to shake. Sees his eyes go bloodshot. Her Alek is a dying man. But she’s always been a believer in impossible causes, and securing his loyalty is a good one to champion.

That’s why at night, when he’s trying to fight off nightmares and her mind is a hive of strategy and tactics, she allows him to come to her. Revan lets him touch the extraordinary, if only for a few hours. And maybe she lets herself dirty her hands in commonality as well.

She feels his anger, his hatred of her, in the way that he marks her. He bites her neck, he tears at her clothing. When he takes her, it’s unrelenting and it’s always on his terms.

She encourages it. Because with every kiss, every thrust, she’s tying that noose around the both of them. When Revan digs her nails into the muscle of his back, and wraps her legs around his hips, she is demanding only one thing in return:

That he stay.

That he sinks a little deeper with her, as they sink into each other


End file.
